JT

Jan 10

“These Worries”

Today has had to be the most toughest day i had to go through. I had to work through the stress and the worries of the situation i could have prevented… The situation does not get any better when i had a gut wrenching feeling the worst was out to get me…and yet tonight i get a phone call proving myself right. How could i have been so stupid… i would have thought i learned my lesson, but its quite obvious that I’m a fool. I really thought i had it good too. Honestly, i thought i really had it…I was so happy for a split second til i chose to do one small little mistake that made the greatness go away. I’m not saying it was all my fault, but some how my punishment was taken to the extreme…and resulted the emotions pouring out in this blog. Yet i wonder why do i constantly seek for something when i know it simply would not work. Of course i would end up hurt again. Of course I’ll lie and tell everyone I’m ok…but you will always see a little sadness in me… ”My hearts an open sore that I hope heals soon” Just like all the other times i’ve mend my heart together. I hope this time, I’ll manage better.

Til then, FUCK YOU!

“Work so hard to not go insane, it’s a full time job to not lose my faith

Okay I’ve been here before, alone for the umpteenth time or more
I’m tired of mutherfuckas sayin that they worry about me
When in fact they probably never gave fuck about me

These worries are heavy, they rest on my shoulders
My body won’t let me fall victim no more”

Dec 21

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Maybe-Kid Cudi

Maybe I’m not exactly what you want me to be
maybe you need not worry about me
maybe maybe….

I can’t lie, sometimes I’m feeling low, please get out of my mind, ima find out which way to go, i need to get control, got a problem ahead of me, i can never let it be reality, now come to found out, im not the one that seems to hideout…

hey ima maniac , i admit it, do you get it?

Maybe I’m not exactly what you want me to be
maybe you need not worry about me
maybe maybe….

no lie, some days are better days, walking through my mind, my heart will runaway, i need to take it slow, but i dont know another route, i can never let this be the end of day, the end of dream, so sure, ill be okay, my mind is stronger than yours, way quicker, no lie

hey ima maniac, i admit it, do you get it?

Maybe I’m not exactly what you want me to be
maybe you need not worry about me
maybe maybe….

Dec 10

Cutiee pies

Dec 8

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

“And I wish that I, I could find a key
To unlock all the things that you want us to be”

Deep clawed the shit outta me, now you wanna go cuddle up on me.

Dec 7

I wonder…

What could had happen if I never reached out to you…or maybe I was stupid when i thought there was a chance of gaining what we once had.

I hope you see who I truly was to you.

“Inside I’m a mess by someone before…”

Well time to vent…

Today as i was about to take a nap, something turned everything around, i ended up crying myself deeply to sleep. Its hard to move forward from a person you thought ment a great deal in your life. But apparently i was just another person at his/her feet. I consider all my friends who have made a great impact in my life as a truly good person, but eventually all those thoughts fade after the very first time you get hurt or betrayed by someone.

But this dosn’t necessarily mean I’m talking about any of my past relationships…I’m talking about the close relationship i had with ones who i thought would never hurt me in the way many have hurt me this year. The thought of helping someone try and get over their emotional problems will not be something i will be here for anymore, because people don’t know what i go through to help others.

I said it once, and i shall say it again, you were the one person i thought was real to me. I shared all my secrets and so many intricate details of my life to you. Yet you later blew me off like i was never anything to you. I’m starting to understand peoples true colors…The thought of how many times i took in all your excuses has made me emotionless to everything you have to share…I want to be a good friend but i dont want to be walked over like i was before. Yes i will always be this wonderful, bubbly person…but how will you ever make up for the lost times?